WELCOME TO HOMER J.
SIMPSON'S WELCOME TO HOMER J.
SIMPSON'S
LIFE PHILOSOPHY WEB PAGE
Esta página se encuentra dedicada al más grande filosofo de la actualidad. Homer J. Simpson es la muestra más grande del hombre actual, y por lo tanto decidí crear un sitio especial para él, en mi opinión si hay un dios debe ser como él.
En este lugar se encontrará un poco de información acerca de él, pero lo principal es mostrar el pensamiento de este personaje, el cual se ilustra en los diálogos que tiene con otros personajes de la serie. Algunos de estos diálogos se han recaudado de la Internet, y por eso están en su idioma original (inglés), pero ya que ésta es una página publicada en español, se hace la traducción de algunos de ellos, pero la mayoría se colocarán si traducción. Así mismo, aquellos diálogos que sean extractados directamente de la seria serán publicados en español, debido a que no se puede ser preciso por los cambios que puedan hacerse al pasarlos al español.
Quién es Homer J. Simpson?
Es casi imposible que alguien no sepa quien es este personaje, pero aquí hay alguna información de él, en caso de que desconozca algunos aspectos de su vida, aunque por lo extensa de ésta se espera que pueda faltar algún detalle de la vida de este personaje.
Edad: 36.
Peso: Entre 239 y 260 lbs.
Peso más elevado alcanzado: 315 lbs.
Occupación: Inspector de seguridad, Sector 7-G, Planta nuclear de Springfield.
Record de empleos anteriores: Santa Claus en un centro comercial, golf en miniatura, empleado en Barney's Bowl-a-Rama, Gulp 'N Blow, Quickie Mart, proprietario de "Mr. Plow" servicio de barrido de nieve, conductor de monorail, músico (The B-Sharps), blackjack dealer in Mr. Burns' Springfield casino, profesor, manager de la cantante de country Lurleen Lumpkin, asistente de Mr. Burns mientras Smithers estaba de vacationes, boxeador, manager de la Corporación Globex Corporation en Cypress Creek, voice of cartoon dog "Poochie", Empleado en la gira de fenómenos, conductor de camión.
Comidas Favoritas: Donuts, Pork Rinds Lite, Krusty Burgers, and cualquier producto del cerdo.
Bebida Favorita : Cerveza Duff.
Película Favorita: "Look Who's Oinking".
Cassette Favorito para escuchar mientras viaja en auto: "Rappin' Ronnie Reagan".
Restaurante Favorito: Greasy Joe's Bottomless BBQ Pit.
Premios: Recibió el Primer premio Anual Montgomery Burns po logros en el campo de la Excelencia y ganó el concurso de maquetas de la planta nuclear. Grammy (por los bee sharps).
Premios en la reumión de ex-alumnos de la High school : Quien más peso ha ganado, la persona con el peor olor, mayor pérdida de cabello, auto más viejo, empleo peor remunerado, menor distancia recorrida para llegar a la reunión.
Frases más usadas: "Mmmmmmm..." cuando es tentado, "DOH!!" cuando está desconcertado y "Woohoo!" cuando está feliz.
Algunos hechos importantes en su vida:
*Confundido con Bigfoot.
* Acusó en falso a Krusty the Clown de robo.
* Mascota de the Springfield Isotopes.
* Robo de cable.
* Descubrimiento de su ermano pérdido Herb.
* Quedarse atrapado en los tubos de "H2Woooah" en Mount Splashmore.
* Perder 21 libras.
* Ganar 61 libras ara ser incapacitado y poder trabajar en casa.
* Volver a su peso original depués de que Mr. Burns pagó su liposucción.
* Capturar el "General Sherman", un gigantesco pez gato.
* Internado en un instituto mental.
* Evitar una fusión nuclear.
* Comprar un pony a Lisa para ganar su amor.
* Inventar "The Flaming Moe".
* Jugar para the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant baseball team.
* Inventar su propia religion.
* Arrestado por conducir ebrio.
* Volver al colegio para tomar el curso Nuclear Physics 101.
* Sentir una atracción por Mindy Simmons, una nueva trabajadora de la planta nuclear.
* Ir al espacio como un astronauta de la NASA.
* Declarar a Ned Flanders como su mejor amigo(por un episodio).
* Acusado de acoso sexual por tomar una Venus de Milo de jalea del trasero de una niñera.
* Miembro de los Stonecutters.
* Visitó la tercera dimensión.
* Poseer el equipo de bolos "Pin Pals".
* Tener alucinaciones extrañas tras comer un chile de la locura Guatemalteco.
* Ver un "alien" en el bosque.
* Unirse a la reserva naval.
* Trabajar de incógnito para IRS tras cometer fraude de impuestos.
* Interrupir un concierto de U2 en su campaña para sanitation manager.
* Escalar la mosntaña más alta de Springfield.
* Ser la imagen de "Powersauce" bars.
* Entrenar un equipo infantil de football y dar a Bart un trato especial.
* Comprar un arma y unirse a la NRA (con resultados desastrosos).
* Renunciar a su trabajo y convertirse en inventor (como su idolo, Thomas Edison).
* Inventor de el "Martillo Eléctrico, " The Everything's OK Alarm", "The Make-Up Gun", "The Lazy Man reclining Toilet Chair", y "The Six-legged Chair".
* Perdió millones cuando Edison recibió el crédito por 2 de sus inventos.
* Donó un riñón al Grampa.
* Rescató a Mark Hammil de un grupo de nerds en una convención de ciencia ficción.
* Fué guardaespaldas del alcalde Quimby.
* Fué Asistente personal de Kim Basinger y Alec baldwin.
HOMER´S QUOTES
Reflexiones y frases que Homero hizo célebres...
"It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day." (No es fácil arreglarselas con una esposa embarazada y un hijo problema, pero dew alguna manera me las arreglé para ver ocho horas de TV al día.)
"Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?" (Donuts. Hay algo que no puedan hacer?.)
"Kids, if he (Grandpa) starts acting weird, lead him down into the basement." (Niños, si él (Grandpa) empieza a actuar extraño, dejenlo en el sótano.)
"Now son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for Daddys, and kids with fake IDs." (Hijo, tú no quieres beber cerveza. Eso es para papis, y chicos con identificaciones falsas.)
"Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen." (Marge, se requieren dos para mentir, uno que mienta y otro que escuche.)
"You couldn't fool your mother on the foolingest day of your life if you had an electrified fooling machine." (No engañaras a tu madre en el día mas estúpido de su vida aunque tuvieras una máquina eléctrica para hacerlo.)
"Marge, don't discourage the boy! Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals! Except the weasel." (Marge, no desalientes al muchacho! Escudriñar con las cosas es importante para aprender. Es lo que nos separa de los animales! excepto de las comadrejas.)
"If you really want something in life you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers." (Si realmente quieres algo en tu vida debes trabajar por ello. Ahora guarda silencio, anunciarán el número ganador de la lotería.)
"To alcohol! The cause of - and solution to - all of life's problems!" (Por el alcohol! la causa y la solución de casi todos los problemas.)
"I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to speed around a city, keeping its speed over 50, and if its speed changed, it would explode! I think it was called, 'The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down.'" (Vi esto en una pelicula de un autobus que debia correr por la ciudad, manteniendo su velocidad por encima de 50 millas por hora, si la velocidad cambiaba, explotaría! Creo que se llamaba "El Bus que no podia ir despacio".)
"I want to share something with you - the three sentences that will get you through life. Number one, 'cover for me.' Number two, 'oh, good idea, boss.' Number three, 'it was like that when I got here.'" (Quiero compartir algo contigo -las tres frases que te acompañarán en tu vida-. Número uno, "cubreme", número dos, "oh, gran idea jefe", número tres, "Estaba así cuando llegue".)
"Marge, you're as pretty as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda." (Marge, eres tan bella como la princesa Leia y tan lista como Yoda.)
"Step aside everyone! Sensitive love letters are my specialty. 'Dear Baby, Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: you.'" (Atras todos! Las castas de amor sensibles son mi especialidad. "Bebé Querida, bienvenida a Botadero. Población: Tú".)
"Don't let Krusty's death get you down, boy. People die all the time. Just like that. Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow. Well, Good night." (No dejes que la muerte de Krusty te aflija, hijo. La gente muere todo el tiempo. Así e sla vida. Tú podrías amanecer muerto mañana. Bueno, buenas noches.)
"Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get." (Hijo, cuando participas en eventos deportivos, lo que importa no es ganar o perder, sino que tan ebrio termines.)
"Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else - and it hasn't - it's that girls should stick to girls' sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such." (Lisa, si la Biblia nos ha enseñado algo más - y no lo hace - es que las chicas deben quedarse en deportes para chicas, como lucha en aceite caliente y boxeo de chicas, y cosas así.)
"Lisa, if you don't like your job you don't strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way." (Lisa, si no te gusta tu trabajo no renuncias a él. Solamente vas día a día y haces realmente la mitad. Esa es la manera americana.)
"Stealing! How could you? Haven't you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain whats-his-name?" (Robo! Cómo pudiste? No has aprendido nada del tipo que da los sermones en la iglesia? Su nombre es capitán qué?.)
"We live in a society of laws. Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well I didn't hear anybody laughin', did you?" (Vivimos en una sociedad de leyes. Por qué crees que rento todas esas peliculas de Academia de Policía? Por diversión? Bueno, No te he escuchado reir, lo has hecho?)
"Television - teacher, mother, secret lover!" (Televisión - maestra, madre, amante secreta!)
"Maybe, just once, someone will call me 'sir' without adding, 'you're making a scene.'" (Quizá, solo una vez, alguién me llame "señor" sin añadir, "está haciendo una escena".)
"Las cosas buenas no terminan con "gía", sino con "manía" o "eo"."
DIALOGOS INMORTALES
Diálogos que ha tenido Homero con otros personajes en diferentes episodios del programa, Se han hecho inmortales con el tiempo, espero que los disfrute.
P.S. Por respeto, más que por otra cosa decidí dejar los que encontré en la red en su idioma original, pero este apartdo no esta excento de recibir diálogos en el idioma español.
Source : Homer's Triple Bypass
Homer is trying to convince Bart and Lisa that nothing bad will happen
to him. So he tells them that only bad people die.
Homer : "Kids, Kids! I'm not gonna die! That only happens to bad people!"
Bart : "What about Abraham Lincoln?"
Homer : "Err...He sold poisoned milk to school children!"
Marge : "Homer!"
Homer : "Hey, I'm just trying to make it easier on them..."
Source : Homer the Vigilante
The catburglar episode when Homer begins a vigilante group.
They begin breaking a ton of laws themselves.
Lisa : "Who will police the police?"
Homer : "I dunna know. Coast Guard?"
Source : Homer the Vigilante
When Lisa is reading the list of things Homer wants his group to accomplish:
Lisa : "... World domination???!!!"
Homer : "Oops! That must be a mistake."
Brain to Homer : "Mental note -- the girl knows too much."
Source : The Front
I was reminded of two more of my favorite Homer lines. In the episode
where Homer has to go to night school to get his high school degree
because he failed Genreal Science 101, one of the best exchanges occurs
between him and Marge.(Not word for word)
Homer (to brain): "Uh, oh. It's time you told Marge your secret."
Homer : "Marge, I ate those fancy soaps you bought for the bathroom."
Marge : "Oh, my gosh!"
Brain : "No, the other secret."
Homer : "Marge, I never passed high school."
Marge : "That still doesn't explain why you ate my soap. Wait, maybe it does."
Homer goes on to explain that he never passed Science 101.
Marge : "But, Homer! You're a Nuclear Technician."
Homer : "Marge! Icksnay on the Uclearnay EchnicianTay."
Marge : "What did you say?"
Homer : "I don't know. I flunked Latin, too."
Source : Brother from the Same Planet
Homer speaking to Bart,
(Not exact quotes sorry)
"Then you start to cry like a sissy"
"When he turns away disgustedly"
"That's the time to kick some back"
Homer : "When I was seventeen
I drank some very good beer
I drank some very good beer I purchased
With a fake ID
My name was Brian McGee
I stayed up listening to Queen
When I was seventeen"
Source : Bart Gets An Elephant
Homer : "...sure, IN theeoory, in theory communism works..."
Source : Colonel Homer
Just after he has been serenaded to by Lurleen, Country & Western singer:
Homer : "Whoooa, that's hot. There isn't a man alive who wouldn't get turned on by that. Well, goodbye!"
Source : Lisa the Beauty Queen
Homer : "Hey there, Blimpy Boy, flying through the sky so fancy.. free.."
[Breaks into tears]
Homer : "Mmmm, free goo!"
Occurs whilst Bart and Milhouse are on their Squishy bender. They blow up a large bubblegum balloon which explodes and covers them, just as Homer
(for some reason) is walking by.
Homer : "Asleep at the switch? I wasn't asleep, I was drunk!"
Poker at Homer's house is livened up when one of his friends brings a "Nudie Deck" of cards round...
Homer : "The girls of the internet. Ooh, I'd go online with them anyday!"
Homer : "I'm hittin' the road. Maybe
I'll drop you a line some day from wherever I wind up in this
crazy old world"
Homer : "I've been asked to tell you that the following show is very
scary, with stuff that might give your kids nightmares. You see,
there are some cry babies out there, religious types mostly, who
might be offended. If you are one of them, I advise you to turn
off your set now. Come on! I dare ya! Buwack buck buck buck buck
buck buck buck Buwack buck buck buck, Chicken!"
[Sound of TV switched off]
Source : Treehouse of Horror V (Halloween Special V)
Homer : "No TV and no beer make Homer something, something."
Marge : "Go crazy?"
Homer : "DON'T MIND IF I DO! WHARGHLULULU WHUR LALULUBRGLUBLU HAHUHAHU
WOODWOOD HALULAOGH!"
Marge : "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
Source : Treehouse of Horror V (Halloween Special V)
Homer : "Well, it was a long trip, but we're almost there!"
Marge : "Homer, did you remember to lock the front door of the house?"
Homer : "D'OH!"
Homer : "Well, its been two long trips but we're finally almost there again!"
Marge : "Homer, when you locked the front door did you remember to lock the back door?"
Homer : "D'OH!, D'OH!"
Lisa : [Gasp] "Oh NO! We left Grampa back at the gas station!"
[Silence]
Lisa : "What about Grampa?"
[Car continues obliviously]
Source : Marge on the Lam
[After Homer & Cheif Wiggum drive off a cliff and their impending death is stopped by the car landing in a huge pile of rubbish...]
Wiggum : "Ha! And to think, those idiot environmentalists were protesting this landfill!"
Homer : "Solid waste! I could kiss you! MWUA! eugh! MWUA! ooh! MWUA! aah! MWUA! ooh! I think this one's pizza!"
Source : Last Exit to Springfield
Homer: "How much does this job pay?"
Lenny: "Nothing'"
Homer: "D'oh!"
Lenny: "Unless you're crooked."
Homer: "Woohoo!"
Source : Last Exit to Springfield
HOMER : I got this scar in the strike of '88.
[Time fade]
(Hitting table in unison with words, like a chant)
Homer : "Where's my Burrito? Where's my Burrito?"
[coffee truck door falls on his head]
Source : Last Exit to Springfield
Burns : "We don't have to be adversaries Homer, we both want a fair Union contract..."Homer (To Brain) : Why is Mr. Burns being so nice to me?"
Burns : "...and if you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours!"
Brain : "Wait a minute, is he coming onto me?"
Burns : "I mean, if I should slip something into your pocket, what's the harm?"
Brain : "Oh my God! He is coming onto me!"
Burns : "After all, negotiations make strange bed-fellows, [Friendly Laugh]
Brain : "Arggh!"
Homer : "Sorry Mr Burns, but I don't go in for these backdoor shenanigans. Sure I'm flattered, maybe even a little curious, but the answer is no!
Source : Last Exit to Springfield
Lisa : "Do you think you can get the dental plan back?"
Homer : "Well, that depends on who's a better negotiator. Mr. Burns or Me!"
Bart : "Dad! I'll trade you this delicious doorstop for your crummy old danish."
Homer : "Done and done! Heh Heh Heh!"
[Bart eats danish, while Homer's action sinks in ever so slowly into his brain]
Homer : "D'OH!"
Source : Treehouse of Horror IV (Halloween Special IV)
Mr Burns is a Vampire Episode
Homer : "Ooooh! Punch!"
Lisa : "Eeugh! Dad! This is BLOOD!"
Homer : "Correction, free blood!"
Source : Treehouse of Horror IV (Halloween Special IV)
Mr Burns is a Vampire Episode
Lisa : "Mom! Dad! Mr. Burns is a vampire, and he's got Bart!"
Burns : "Why, Bart is right here!"
Bart : "Hello Mother. Hello Father. I missed you during my uneventful absence."
Homer : "Oh Lisa! You and your stories! Bart is a vampire! Beer kills brain-cells! Now lets go back to that...building...thingy...where our beds and TV...is."
Source : Treehouse of Horror IV (Halloween Special IV)
Mr Burns is a Vampire Episode
Lisa : "You must drive this stake right through his heart"
[Sounds of Homer Opening coffin]
Homer : "Take that vile FIEND!"
[Homer plunges stake into body, repeatedly hammering]
Lisa : "Ah...Dad, that's his crotch."
Homer : "Ho Ho Ho, Sorry!"
Source : Treehouse of Horror IV (Halloween Special IV)
Mr Burns is a Vampire Episode
Homer : "Kill my boss?!? Do I dare live out the american dream?"
Source : Treehouse of Horror IV (Halloween Special IV)
Mr Burns is a Vampire Episode
(Lisa tries to convince Homer that Burns is a vampire)
Homer : "Heh Heh Heh! Lisa! Vampires are make believe, just like elves and gremlins and eskimos!"
Baloney Song
"My baloney has a first name, its h-o-m-e-r,
My baloney has a second name, its h-o-m-e-r..."
Homer : "Guys are always patting my bald head for luck, pinching my belly to hear my girlish laugh..."
Homer : "Alright Brain, you don't like me, and I don't like you. But lets just do this, and I can get back to killing you with beer."
Source : Selma's Choice
Homer : "Come, to Homercles."
Source : Selma's Choice
Homer & Bart : "I saw the spaghetti, all covered with cheese, I lost my poor meatball..."
Marge : "If you don't mind!?!, we're on our way to a funeral."
Homer : "Ding Dong, the witch is dead..."
Bart : "Which old witch?"
Homer : "The wicked witch!"
Homer : "D'oh!"
Lisa : "A deer!"
Marge : "A female deer!"
My memory is a little bad, I may have mixed up Lisa and Marge :)
(Ned, his boy, Homer, and Bart, are stranded in the middle of the ocean in their raft. They've been there for days, and Flanders has been cool calm and collective the whole time.....then he loses it)
Ned : "We're done for! We're done-diddly-done-for! We're Done-diddly-doodly-done-diddly-doodly done-diddly-doodly"
Homer : (Slapping Ned from left to right)
"Flanders! Get a Hold of Yourself!"
(He stops slapping for a moment, Ned has calmed down)
Ned : "Thanks, Homer....I really..."
(Homer begins slapping him again)
Bart : "Dad! I think he gets the point!"
Homer : "(Slap) Better (Slap) To be (Slap) Safe (Slap) Than (Slap) Sorry (Slap)........sorry."
Ned : "diddly (Slap)"
Homer : "Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand."
Source : Lisa's Rival (1F17):
(Homer sleepily defending his sugar, in a Hispanic-accented voice, paraphrased)
Homer : "In America, first you get the sugar, then you get the power, then you get the women."
Homer: "Ah, Andy Capp, you wife beating drunk!"
Source : Treehouse of Horror IV (Halloween Special IV)
Homer : "Mm...Mm...Mm...mMMm...Mmmm...Forbidden donut"
[Homer eating last piece of donut, just as Devil Flanders appears]
Devil Flanders : "Well, Well! Finishing something?"
Homer : "AHHHH!"
Source : Treehouse of Horror IV (Halloween Special IV)
Devil Flanders : "Alright Simpson, you get your soul back...but let that ill-gotten donut be forever on your head!"
Homer : "AHHHH!"
[Sounds of Homer greedily eating bits of his donut head]
Marge : "Homer, stop picking at it!"
Homer : "Aww...but I'm so sweet and tasty! Oh well, time to go to work."
Source : Treehouse of Horror IV (Halloween Special IV)
Devil Flanders : "Now remember, at the instant that you finish it I own your soul for..."
[Just before the last piece of donut disapears down Homer's throat]
Homer : "Hey, wait! If I don't finish this last bite, you don't get my soul, do you?"
Devil Flanders : "Uh, technically no, but..."
Homer : "I'm smarter than the devil! I'm smarter than the dev..."
Devil Flanders : "YOU ARE NOT SMARTER THAN ME! I'LL SEE YOU IN HELL YET, HOMER SIMPSON!"
[Devil departs]
Homer : "Not likely, heh heh!"
Source : Treehouse of Horror IV (Halloween Special IV)
[Homer Writing an I.O.U. note...to himself!]
"Dear Homer, I owe you one emergency donut, signed Homer."
"Basturd!, [Crushes note] he's always one step ahead!"
Source : Treehouse of Horror III
Zombie Flanders : "Hey Simpson! I'm feeling a mite peckish, mind if I chew your EAR?"
[Homer kills Zombie Flanders]
Bart : "Dad! You killed the Zombie Flanders!"
Homer : "He was a Zombie?"
Homer : "Marge! Look at all this great stuff I found at the Marina. It was just sitting in some guy's boat!"
Source : Treehouse of Horror V (Halloween Special V)
Bart : "Good morning, Father dear! Hope your well."
Lisa : "Are we taking the new ?Lexus? to Aunt Patty and Selma's funeral today?"
Homer : "Hmm...Fabulous house...Well-behaved kids...Sisters-in-law dead...Luxury Sedan...WOOHOO! I hit the jackpot! Marge dear, would you kindly pass me a donut?"
Marge : "Donut? What's a donut?"
Homer : "AHHHHHHHHH! AHHHHHHHHH! AHHHHHHHHH!"
[Sounds of Homer making a furious time-travel exit]
Source : Lisa on Ice
Homer : "I don't want anyone giving her a hard time just because she's DIFFERENT!...No jokes...No taunting..."
[Homer spots Uter]
Homer : "AHH! HOO! HOO! Look, that kids got bosoms! Who's got a wet towel? Heh Heh!"
[Whip crack of towel]
Homer : "Come're Butterball!"
[Uter wails in torment]
Uter : "Don't make me run, I'm full of chocolate!"
Source : Lisa on Ice
Marge : "Now Homer, don't you eat this pie..."
Homer : "O-kay"
[Marge leaves]
Homer : "Alright pie, I'm just gonna do this...!"
[Opens and closes his mouth in an eating fashion]
Homer : "...and if you get eaten, its your own fault!"
[Heads towards pie, but collides into something solid]
Homer : "Owwww! OWWWW! OWW...My...Ah, the hell with it!"
[Ergo, pie is eaten]
Source : Dog of Death
Homer : "If you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now, quiet! The're about to announce the lottery numbers...
Announcer : "17"
Homer : "D'OH!"
Announcer : "32"
Homer : "D'OH!"
Announcer : "5"
Homer : "D'OH!"
Announcer : "8"
Homer : "WOOHOO!"
Announcer : "47"
Homer : "D'OH!"
Source : Treehouse of Horror III
Lisa : "Dad, we did something very BAD!"
Homer : "Did you wreck the car?"
Bart : "No."
Homer : "Did you raise the dead?"
Lisa : "Yes!"
Homer : "But the car's OK?"
Bart & Lisa : "Uh-huh."
Homer : "Alright then."
Someone : "Take this object, but beware! It carries a terrible curse..."
Homer : "Ooh, that's bad!"
Someone : "...but it comes with a free frogurt..."
Homer : "That's good!"
Someone : "...the frogurt is also cursed..."
Homer : "That's bad!"
Someone : "...but you get your choice of topping..."
Homer : "That's good!"
Someone : "The toppings contain potassium benzoate..."
[Silence]
Someone : "That's bad!"
Homer : "Can I go now?"
Source : Deep Space Homer
Homer : "You don't know what its like, I'm the one out there everyday putting his ass on the line, and I'm not out of order! You're out of order! The whole freakin' system is out of order! You want the Truth? You want the TRUTH?! YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH! Because when you reach over and put your hand into a pile of goo, that was your best friend's face, you don't know what to do! FORGET IT MARGE! ITS CHINATOWN!"
Homer : "Ahh, Beer! My one weakness...my Achilles Heel, if you will..."
Source : Mr. Plow
Simple Song
Homer : "Call Mr. Plow, that's my name, that name again, is Mr. Plow!"
"Hello? Operator! Give me the number for 911!"
Source : Simpson's Screensaver: Sage Advice
Homer : "Blame the guy who doesn't speak Engish."
"Remember as far as anyone knows, we're a nice normal family."
Homer (looking up at the living room ceiling): "God, why do you mock me?"
Marge : "That's not God, that's a waffle that Bart threw on the ceiling."
Homer (eats waffle): "Mmmm...Sacrelicious!"
"Can you believe it!? Pretty soon, I'll be able to quit my job and live off the boy!"
Homer : "Quiet, I can't hear myself think."
Brain : "I want some peanuts."
Homer : "That's better."
Source : Boy-Scoutz N The Hood
After foraging in the couch...
Homer: "Twenty dollars? Aww, I wanted a peanut!"
Brain: "$20 can buy many peanuts."
Homer: "Explain how!"
Brain: "Money can be exchanged for goods and services."
Homer: "Whoo-hoo!"
This is the Father son relationship test episode where bart builds the soapbox derby race car with his father as 'team simpson.'Homer: "D'oh, how can I get bart to do things with me."
Brain: "why not try reverse psychology."
Homer: "That won't ever work."
Brain: "O.K. don't try reverse psychology."
Homer: "Y'all right, I WILL try reverse psychology."
What about when Homer's building the car for his half brother.
Homer : "What about those red balls they have on car aerials so you can spot your car in a park. I think all cars should have them!"
[Marge's aunt has died and they are going to funeral]
Selma : "Its the death of a legend."
Homer's Brain: "Yeah! The Legend of the dog-faced woman!"
Homer : [Out loud] "Ha Ha! The Legend of the dog-faced woman!"
[The Car Falls into shocked silence]
Marge : "Homer!"
Homer : "Stupid Brain."
Marge : "Homer I want to talk to you about this credit card bill..."
Homer : [Falls to floor screaming and crying]
"I admit it! The record club! The first eight were only a benny...then they jacked up the price!..."
[Episode where Marge tracks down Homer to the power plant]
Lenny : "Where are you going ?"
Homer : [Triumphantly carrying Marge]
"I'm going to the back seat of my car! And I wont be back for TEN MINUTES!"
[Episode where Bart is a baby]
[Homer is returning home from work...]
Homer : [Singing cheerfully]
"When the working day is done..girls just wanna have fun!"
Source : Lady Bouvier's Lover
Marge : "Homer, It's funny but I've noticed that my mum and your dad are very lonely."
Homer : "Heh Heh! That is Funny!"
Marge : "They need to spend time together..."
Homer : "Marge, old people don't need companionship, they need to be isolated and studied to see what useful nutrients can be obtained from them..."
Marge : "Stop reading that Ross Perot pamphlet and go to sleep."
[In the episode where George Bush moves in next door...Santa's Little Helper is chasing the Bushes down the street.]
Homer : "Looks like he's barking up the wrong Bush! Heh heh!"
Homer's Brain : "Good job Homer, the cleverest thing you'll ever say and no-one was around to hear it."
Homer : "D'oh!"
[Episode where Marge tries to get the family a membership in a ritzy country club.]
Mr. Burns : "Quit cogitating Steinmetz and use an open faced club, A sand wedge."
Homer : "Mmmm, open faced club sand wedge."
[Upon meeting a representative from Reader's Digest]
Homer : "Ooh, I love your magazine. Especially the 'Enrich Your Wordpower' section. I think it's really...really... really...good."
[This was said on a long distance collect call service for "1-800-call-collect", in which Homer is seen gazing out across the Grand Canyon, and decides to call home to share the experience with his family by making a reverse charge call.]
Homer : "Ah!, the Grand Canyon. What a ... grand canyon!"
[Marge decides to join the police force]
[She's walking down the street noticing minor crimes when A car parks across three spaces. Homer gets out of the car...]
Marge : "Homer! Move that car at once!"
Homer : "It's okay Marge, I'm only going to buy some beer for those kids over there."
Marge : "Move that car at once!"
Homer : [Steals Marges' police hat and puts it on]
"Ohh, I'm officer Marge la de da de da, what are you gonna do?"
Marge : [Handcuffs Homer]
"You have the right to remain silent..."
Homer : "I choose to waver that right WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
[From the episode where the school goes on strike, Homer giving Lisa sage-like advice...]
Homer : "In this house, young lady, we obey the laws of "thermodynamics!"
Homer : "I gave my love a chicken, it had no bones. Mmmmm Chicken!"
[Homer looking at globe, spots Uruguay]
Homer: "Ha ha! Look at this country! 'You are gay'! Ha ha!"
Marge : "What would you like for dinner Homer?"
Homer : "Steak!"
Marge : "Our Budget is too tight! What else would you like?"
Homer : "Steak!"
[Homer is at the table with the family]
Homer : "Anyhow, last night we're playing poker right, and as usual I'm winning and not realizing it. And Lenny says that I'm, get this [he laughs hysterically], a little slow!"
[More hysterical laughter but no one at the table is laughing]
Homer : "How come you're not laughing. Do you think I'm slow?"
Bart : "Uh..."
Lisa : "Uh..."
Maggie : [Sound of her sucking on her pacifier]
Marge : "Hmmm, We don't think you're slow, but on the other hand it's not like you go to museums or read books or anything"
Homer : "It's not that I don't want to, It's those TV networks Marge they won't let me. One quality show after another each one fresher and more brilliant than the last.If they only stumbled once, just gave us thirty minutes to ourselves. But they won't , they won't let me live..."
[Cries like a baby]
Homer : "Oh who am I kidding, I am slow"
Marge : "Oh Homey, If you feel so bad about yourself there's always things you can do to make you feel better"
Homer : "Like take another bath in malt liquor?"
Marge : "There's that, or you can take an adult education course"
Homer : "Oh, and how is education supposed to make me feel smarter. Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home wine making course and I forgot how to drive?"
Marge : "That's because you were drunk"
Homer : "[Contentedly] And how!"
Okay here's one: episode where Marge becomes a police officer
Homer: "When I first heard that Marge was joining the police academy, I thought that it would be fun and zany like that movie 'Spaceballs'. But instead it was dark and disturbing like that movie 'Police Academy'"
Here's a quote from the episode were Homer has his own religion.
Homer : "What's the meaning of life?"
God : "Sorry, you have to wait until you die."
Homer : "But I can't wait that long."
God : "You can't wait 3 months?"
Homer : "No!!"
God : "Oh OK.. The meaning of life is...[Simpson music!]"
[subplot: moe's family feedbag]
[Moe's gimmicky restaurant is getting underway and a huge fryer arrives outside...quote is not verbatim]
Barney : "What's that?"
Moe : "It's a dee-fryer...I picked it up from the Navy. That baby can flash-fry a buffalo in under 40 seconds."
Homer : "40 seconds?...Awwww, but I want it now!"
[Homer talking to Sideshow Bob, discussing what sort of appetizer to serve at Bob & Selma's wedding]
Homer : "Well, you can't go wrong with cocktail weenies - they come wrapped in this tasty little package and are served with a delicious red sauce: it looks like ketchup, it tastes like ketchup, BUT BROTHER, IT AIN'T KETCHUP!"
It is not an exact quote but close enough.
[Homer talking on phone to friend, while Bart comes into kitchen with Lisa.]
Bart : "Damn, these uniforms suck."
Marge : "Bart, where are do you learn this language?"
Homer : [on phone] "Boy, Larry, that was suckiest game last night with two sucky teams.All the players sucked, it just plain sucked.Go to go Larry, my wiener kids are listening." [click]
Bart & Lisa : "Dad, we're not wieners."
Homer : "Nice, closes, HEHEHEHE!!!"
[Lisa at work with Homer - Homer and Lisa looking for snacks]
Lisa : "Dad do you have any fruit?"
Homer : "This donut has purple in the middle, purple is a fruit."
Homer : "So Lisa your not going to eat any meat anymore, not even bacon?"
LIsa : "No"
Homer : "Ham?"
Lisa : "No"
Homer : "Pork chops"
LIsa : "Dad those all come from the same animal"
Homer : [Condescending] "Yes Lisa, A special magical animal from fairy land!"
(The Witness Relocation Episode)
WRL Guy : "Here's is a few places we've got in mind for you. Terror Lake, Cape Fear, Screamville
Homer : [Giddily] "Oh, Ice creamville"
WRL Guy : "No Screamville"
Homer : "Ahhhhhhhhhhh" [in that terrrified scream he has]
(The episode with the "Marriage Retreat Weekend")
Marge : "Homer we never have parties"
Homer : "What about that huge one, you know with champagne, a band, a lot of holy men or somehting."
Marge : "Homer that was our wedding"
Homer wrecks his car and has to explain it to the insurance guy.
Insurance Guy : "O.K, now before I give you the check, I have just one more question. That place Moe's you were coming back from, that is a buisness of some sort..."
Homer Brain : "Don't say you were at a bar. BUT what else is open at night."
Homer : "I was at a pornography store, I was buying pornography."
Homer Brain : "Hehe, I would a never thought of that."
Source : Marge vs. The Monorail:
"You never know when an old calendar might come in handy! Sure, it's not 1985 right now, but who knows what tomorrow will bring?"
"Life is just one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead."
One of the greater moments of the show has to be when Homer (can't remember the episode) is watching a commercial, one of those classic ones where they show you how they make chocolate bars.
TV : "First, we take a delicious bar of chocolate.."
Homer : [In a trance] "Chocolate..!!"
TV : "Then we wrap it in caramel (sp?).."
Homer : "Oooohh, sweeeet!"
TV : "And finally, we dip it in rich, creamery butter".
Homer : "AAarhrhghlll..." [His head drops back, and he drools]
After that "Good Morning Burger" scene, with "rich, creamery butter", Lisa says: Lisa : "A subliminal idea can be planted in your mind without you even knowing it."
Homer : "Lisa, that's a load of rich creamery butter."
Homer: "Be quiet, Brain, or I'll stab you with a Q-tip"
On a sort of related topic, wasn't there a time when Homer was going to give Bart a talk about the birds and the bees? I only remember fragments of the conversation..
Something like this...
Homer : "You see, a woman is like a beer (chugs beer), because you NEED MORE THAN ONE BEER!...
(later, now dead drunk)...so I told him, yeah, I'll get you your money, ya big baloney, you make me wanna puke! Ar..ah..gak..(now incoherent, passes out)."
When The Simpsons are being changed to the Thompsons...
[Homer can't understand he is now Mr Thompson:]
Agent: "Now when I say `Hello Mr. Thompson' and press down on your foot, you smile and nod"
Homer: "No problem."
Agent: "Hello Mr. Thompson (and presses Homer's foot)"
[Homer has a blank stare, and then looks at other agent and whispers loudly]
Homer : "I think he's talking to you"
Homer : "Sir? Ah, hello sir! Yes! You look like a man who needs help satisfying his wife, so..."
[Sound of Homer recieving a massive smack]
Homer once said to Bart...
"If something is too hard,give it up. The moral my boy is too never try anything"
In the episode when Homer saves Springfield from the runaway monorail.
Homer : "AHHH. Donuts. . . What can't they do."
Source : Three Men and a Comic Book
When Bart tries to ask Homer to give him some money to buy the first issue of "Radioactive Man"
Homer : "A hundred bucks for a comic book? Who drew it, Michaelmelangelo?"
Source : Bart the Lover
Advice to Bart on how to break up with Mrs. Krabapple...
Homer : "I've got three words for you, 'I am gay'"
My favorite quote is from the episode where Homer goes back to school
The Dean asks Homer to leave the his office very nicely then..
Homer :(on way out of office) That dirty dean!! I'll get him
[Homer leaves and Dean's phone rings]
Dean : Hello
Homer : [In ridiculous but hilarious voice] Hello Dean, you are a stupid head
Dean : Is that you Homer?
[Dean then sees Homer at the pay phone, Homer shrieks and runs away]
One of my favorites, which I'll have to paraphrase since I haven't seen the episode recently. It's the one where Bart gets a Big Buddy because he's mad at Homer, and then Homer goes to get a Little Buddy for revenge on Bart.
[Homer is talking to a lady from Big Buddies]
Lady : "So why do you want to become a Big Buddy?"
Homer's Brain : "Don't say revenge! Don't say revenge!
Homer : "Umm, revenge."
Homer's Brain : "I'm getting outta here."
[Sound of chair scraping on floor, footsteps, and door opening and closing]
Homer: "The other day I was so desperate for a beer, I snuck into the football stadium and ate the dirt under the bleachers."
Source : And Maggie Makes Three
[Homer and Marge are talking about how Maggie was born.]
Bart : "Wow, Dad! You had a breakdown like a little sissy girl?"
Marge : "Actually, it isn't the first time this happened."
[Flashback, with Marge & Homer]
Homer : "You're Pregnant?! Aaaaaauuuggghhhh!"
[Tears out hair a bit and runs upstairs]
[Second Flashback, with Bart and the two]
Homer : "You're pregnant AGAIN?!?! Aaaaaaaaauuuugggghhhh!"
[Tears out hair until it looks like it does now, and runs upstairs]
Source : Lady Bouvier's Lover
Homer and Marge discuss about Grampa having a crush on Grandma Bouvier.
Marge : "Homer, what do you think about this?"
Homer : "I'm damn opposed with the whole thing."
Bart : "He's damn opposed. DAMN DAMN DAMN opposed!"
Marge : "Bart! Homer- why would you be opposed with love?"
Homer : "Marge- THINK! If my dad and your mom get married, we'll be brother and sister! Think what will the children will be like! The'll be freaks! They'll have flesh-colored skin, diffrent colored hair and five fingers on each hand!"
[Homer fantasizes the kids as what Homer described]
Homer: "Aaaaaaaaaaauuuuuuugggggghhhhhhh!!!!!"
[Homer runs out of the room]
I'm not exactly sure about the wording.
This is from the Episode when Lisa and Bart play on rival Ice Hockey teams. Homer has just been told Lisa has joined an Ice Hockey team.
"If the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, its that girls should stick to girl's sports, such as hot oil wrestling foxy boxy and such and such..."
[Homer meets flanders for the first time...]
Flanders : "Hedelyhoo there, My name is Ned Flanders ... but my friends call me Ned."
Homer : "Hiya Flanders."
[Homer walks away ...]
The episode where Bart mistakenly sent a letter to Mr. Burns and Homer is at the Post Office posing as Mr. Burns in order to get it...
Homer : [In a silly voice] "Hello, my name is Mr. Burns. I'm here to pick up a letter."
Postal Worker : "Your first name?"
Homer: [In silly voice] "I don't know."
The episode where Marge has forced Homer and the rest of the family to go vegetarian...
Homer : "Ohh.. How come the dog gets to eat meat?"
Marge : "Homer, that dog food's mostly made out of snouts and entrails."
Homer [drooling] : "Mmmmmm... snouts."
This is from the episode where Bart gives blood to Mr. Burns.
Homer is trying to convince Bart to go through with the blood donation.
Homer : "Bart, have I ever told you the story of Hercules and the Lion?"
Bart : "Is it a Bible story?"
Homer : "Probably. Anyway, once upon a time there was a big mean lion, and he got a thorn in his paw. All the villagers tried to pull it out, but none of them were strong enough.So they gotHercules, and he used his mighty strength and BOOM! Anyway, the lion was so grateful to Hercules that he gave him a big...thing of riches."
Bart : "How did a lion get rich?"
Homer : "It was the olden days! Anyway..."
Homer : "Moe, my friend has this problem with another woman and he needs some advice."
Moe : "What's his name Homer?"
Homer : "Uh, it's Billy Bo-Bob Jimmy Jo-Jo Jr."
Moe : "Homer, that's the stupidest name I ever heard."
[Man runs out of the bar crying]
Source : $pringfield (or, How I stopped worrying and love legalized gambling)
[Homer is Sleeping in His Bed]
Lisa : [Off Screen] "Dad! [Comes Running on screen] I had a Bad Dream!"
Homer : [In A Comforting Voice] "Oh, Lisa. You just lay down and tell me all about it."
Lisa : "I know this seems absurd, but I was dreaming that the boogieman was chasing me and..."
Homer: "AUGH! Boogieman!"
[Runs to Bart's Room, and goes close to Bart]
Homer : "Bart, I don't want to alarm you, but we may have an ordeal involving a Boogieman or BoogieMEN in the house!"
Bart : "Aaaaaaaaaauuuuuuuuuugggggghhhh!!!"
Source: Episodio en que Raplh y bart son amigos
Marge: "Veo que estas muy exhaltado, te voy a dar una cerveza y luego a la cama"
Homer: WOHOO, CERVEZA, CAMA, CERVEZA, CAMA, CERVEZA, CAMA...